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I’m A Sex Coach & These Are The 4 Things I Always Teach Men About Consent

There’s been a lot of awareness-raising done lately around women’s sexual empowerment, but not as much has been done for men. And based on my experience coaching men on their sex lives and teaching courses around pleasure and consent, efforts to sexually liberate men are very much needed.

Men come to me with questions about how to initiate sex and ask for consent, how to be sexually free and expressive without being perceived as threatening, and how to recover from their own sexual trauma. Based on their stories and concerns, it’s clear that our sex education system and wider culture fail men as much as women.

Men are taught from a young age that it’s their job to make sex happen, that they’ll miss out on opportunities if they aren’t aggressive enough, and that how many people they’ve slept with determines their worth. And yet they’re also taught that if they’re openly interested in sex, this makes them dirty, gross, or creepy.

I’ve seen these toxic messages hurt men’s self-esteem and their ability to form relationships. But I’ve also seen men learn how to safely embody their true sexual selves — and, in the process, see the light and good that were in their sexuality from the getgo.

To help men unlearn the damaging narratives they learn around their sexuality and replace them with healthier ideas, here are some things I like to teach men about consent — although they really apply to all of us.

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