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Are These Sneaky & Common Habits Secretly Sabotaging Your Happiness?

Some common personal narratives can detract from your happiness as well. Let’s take the “tomorrow fallacy,” (also called the “arrival fallacy”) for example, where you might think, as soon as you get that raise, or as soon as you get married, or as soon as you buy a house, you’ll be happy.

“It doesn’t happen that way,” Rubin says. “We’re much better off trying to enjoy the process and how we’re getting to a certain place, because by the time that we reach it, it’s not going to have the transformative quality that we might have anticipated.” In other words: Rather than focusing on the finish line, enjoy the journey. Chances are you’ll feel better along the way.

“Another story that people tell themselves is ‘I’m lazy.'” says Rubin. “I think a lot of people really blame themselves or think it’s somehow a fault of theirs. ‘I can’t put myself first,’ or ‘I’m immature,’ or ‘I’m lazy,'” even when they may do a million and one great things. Words matter–and the words you use to describe yourself can affect your overall happiness.

So if you’re disappointed in yourself for not accomplishing a certain task, don’t brand yourself as lazy. “There’s nothing wrong with you,” says Rubin. “You just need to change the way things are set up, so that you can execute for yourself whatever your aim is.”

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